Shooting Arrows
I stumbled upon the following poetic narrative about parenting and it nearly left me breathless. What an aim for us as parents!
To focus less on telling our children what to think.
To focus less on how our children reflect on us.
To not try to mold them into what we believe is best for them or who and what we believe they should be.
Rather, to focus on teaching children how to think.
To focus on understanding who they are.
To guide and train them as they develop into their own selves.
To focus on being the stable instrument that launches them into the world, the future, while balancing flexibility and stability!
And a woman who held a babe against her bosom said,
Speak to us of children. And he said:
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
* * *
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The Archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the Archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.
The Prophet, K Gibran
Some (challenging) questions to consider:
Who is the Archer in your family's life -- who influences who and how you are? Are you actively choosing to be influenced by that source? Is there a different influence that you would prefer in your life? You CAN choose!
Do you recognize the areas of your child's life that you are attempting to control right now? When you stop and consider, are you influencing children in a way that allows for them to develop in their own way...or are they bound by your intentions for their lives?
What might change in your relationships with children if you stop focusing on trying to control who, how, and where they end up?
In what areas might your family benefit from you being more flexible? More stable?
Who and how would your children be if you increased your flexibility and allowed them to develop into who they naturally are...eventually allowing them to venture out into the world?
Does this idea elicit fear in you? Try to name what you are afraid of. Don't let that source of fear control you (or cause you to try to control your kids)! Choose how you parent. Parent in your intentional way, not in response to that fear.
Remember that it is the Archer who determines where they end up.
You are the bow, launching them into the world and determining how far your little arrows go.
May you strike the delicate balance between flexibility and stability today.
If you could use some support exploring this topic, or another aspect of parenthood, reach out anytime!
In the meantime, check out these communication strategies to help you understand the world from your child's perspective.
Perhaps start with the practical tip below.
Glad to be parenting alongside you!
PRACTICAL TIP FOR TODAY
Encourage creative rather than critical thinking.
Have a ridiculous conversation.
Instead of correcting children or immediately working to convince them that something is impossible or incorrect, take a moment to show interest, demonstrate curiosity, enter their (perhaps imaginary) world, engage in their wondering.
Participate in conversations about things that seem logically impossible, impossibly illogical, or maybe just ordinarily silly.
Have fun together and stay open-minded. You might learn something from them!